sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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