Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i need some magic done to my vagina
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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