he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Couch. On fire.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
