Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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