I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize