Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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