i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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