Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
