Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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