Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize