Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
