The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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