A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have post one night stand depression
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
