My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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