I think my vagina is haunted
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
