I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
