walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
