So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize