So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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