11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
there is glitter all over my balls
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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