dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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