I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
