I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
