I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
