Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
