oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
