Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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