someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
