like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
