I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
