What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
