im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize