i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
