Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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