NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
