I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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