When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
