Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
