reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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