Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
