she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
