I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
