Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
