I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
