Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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