I wanna bring you to show and tell
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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