Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
