Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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