Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
