I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pants are for mortals
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
