The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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