i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize