look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
