Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
