It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
