Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
please come you make the beer taste better
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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