do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
