I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I look better un-naked...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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