Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
