apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
