I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
