why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize