Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
