remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
