First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
