Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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