Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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