Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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