God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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