shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
