I CAN MOONWALK!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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