Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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