Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
