Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize