I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
