I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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