i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
