You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
