the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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