i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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