ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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