someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
