you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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