Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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