My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
