You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize