I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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