Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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