i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
