I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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