glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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